Eye makeup and other Feminine Hazards

From the time I was a little girl, I wanted to be a beauty queen. I wanted to look out over the adoring crowd, smile the Vaseline smile, and wave with my fingers stuck together like a flipper. Alas, my beauty is not conventional..... however, I recently took a journey that I can never return from.... life will just never be the same since I ventured into the domain of the SMOKY EYE!!!

For my job, I work with college professors, and students. There is something abundant in academia that makes people who work at and attend colleges extremely attractive, and trendy, and thin. So, I have gone on a diet, and lost......... some weight.... we won't discuss how much.... but the notch on the scale didn't go over as far at the doctor's office! No, we won't mention not wearing shoes...MOVING ON!

I was channel hopping the other evening while waiting for the latest installment of "Teen Mom" to come on MTV, when I saw a demonstration in creating the smoky eye.... This is the latest trend in eye makeup that is supposed to look like this:



So, being the intelligent, capable woman that I am, I tried to apply these techniques to myself this morning.



So, yeah. The smoky eye not the greatest look for me. Maybe I would have better luck with the airbrush... it is only $99.95... come on now.............. OH WAIT!!! What about the curling iron that rotates while you use it.... now THAT is right up my alley......

*sigh* I give up

Absence of Song Lyrics

What is it about music that makes it so universally attractive? The rhythm? The melody? I believe that it is the fact that there is a song written about EVERYTHING. However, in my recent life, I actually have found no song lyrics that embody what I am feeling.

I have been through country music, but I am not in prison, nor is anyone in my immediate family. I am healthy, don't drink, and do not own a dog.

I have been through pop music, and I am not thin, attractive, or young anymore so that doesn't apply to me.

I have been through hip hop, and while my posterior is significant in size, I find that most hip-hop lyrics don't apply to me.

I have been through grunge, metal, indie, techno, big band, etc, and found nothing.

*sigh* I guess my angst hasn't been written yet. I will be patient.. for a while.

Look ma, No laptop!

In the pursuit of enlightenment in the new decade, I was thoroughly blessed with the excuse to get a blackberry smartphone. In this, a whole new world has opened in front of my very eyes. The magificent wonder encompassed in two words... Mobile blogging!

Christmas Fun and Partying down--without the lampshade on my head

Well Readers,

It seems that my 2009 has been yet another drama filled adventure in pathetic. *sigh* However, I have made many strides in my life, and am NOT living with my mother! I will wait for the jubilent rejoicing to subside (Mom...cool it). I have found my passion for work this year, and I have discovered that my children truly are the center of my world, and that my world is fine with them at the center.

I got a new job this year, and I love it. I enjoy my work, and have met so many wonderful people that I now count as friends. I hope that in 2010 I can meet many more, and have similar happiness in the workplace.

Dervish has grown up so much this year. He is in 5th grade now, and no longer sleeps with his stuffed dog, puppy. The stuffed leopard, Phil, is much more manly. He also experienced his first break-up this year. His first crush broke his heart, and yet they still managed to come out of it as friends. (However, I am STILL watching her..closely)

Princessa has grown up a lot too, and I thank the Almighty Father in Heaven daily for her teacher. This is the kind of 1st grade teacher that so many wish for, but my little girl needed. She is thriving and achieving under her direction.

Little Dude has had many challenges this year, and probably will have them for a long time. However, we are working the problems. We are going to make 2010 "the year of the Little Dude!" and make this year the best ever.

I realize this is reading like a bad family newsletter, but this is more for me and the recording of the progress of my family.

On a lighter note, Christmas eve we will be making cookies for Santa, watching the Polar Express, and A Christmas Story (at least four or five times). I can relate to this movie, after all, I did get my first phone call from the Assistant principal this year telling me that Dervish had to sit out from 4th grade field day for dropping the f-bomb.

Then New Year's Eve will be our Annual Monkey Brothers Film Festival Extraordinaire. The theme this year will be "Johnny Depp: Through the Ages" we will begin with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, then move backwards through the Pirate movies, and on from there... the later the time, the more "grown up" selections will be. "Cry Baby" will probably be screened around 11:45 after all the kids are asleep. Then, New Year's morning, we will have our annual brunch, except this year each kid gets to prepare a dish for our own mini "Top Chef" competition. I think I might film it and send it to Tom Colicchio and maybe make a name for myself.

Well, I leave you dear readers for the Christmas break, and wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy, Blessed, prosperous New Year.

Christen

Holiday Parties and the joy of gift giving

Today, dearest readers, we celebrated the holiday season with a Christmas/Kwanza/Chanukah/New Year/Black Friday/Pez appreciation day party. At this party, there were 7 metric tons of food. Really... I measured. I think it was the beef ribs that put us over the top. I even tried "curried eggs." Now, a discerning foodie such as myself has sampled all sorts of cuisine..... for example: I went to a Thai restaurant once. The chicken nuggets and boiled shrimp were delightful.

So, to see these morning delights covered in sauce that smelled like nothing I had ever experienced....... excitement.

Moving on......

After all the food had been consumed... seriously people, pharmacists can pack it away. We went on to play the "white elephant" gift game. All the gifts were stacked on one table in the corner, a shining beacon of gift giving glory....until the first gift was opened. A hot plate...... ..............................................................................................................................................................

next, someone opened a snowman that sang. It got stolen three times before ending up with an administrator that drives a Lexus XL. My contribution was a pair of binoculars. They went to someone who immediately held them up and said "anyone want to take these?" The real pinnacle of the game was the bottle of wine/flashlight. So, that when you get done with the wine, you can find your way to the bathroom. The true joy of gift giving for the holiday season. Ahhhhh. So, good food, good conversation, sharing a meal with colleagues and friends, and exploiting materialism at it's finest by giving each other crap you don't want or can't sell at a yard sale. Merry Christmas!

Hey Dude! That's MY Snuggie

For those in my handful of readers who know my sister.. over at folksy musins, she has posted many times about the snuggie... the blanket with sleeves that all of us who have breath in our lungs covet with the power of 10,000 suns. Yes, the snuggie, the enormous fleece blanket with sleeves. It probably took all of $3.00 to make, and has a seam that is already coming out. But it is now available at Dollar General for $15.99

I was lucky enough to have one bestowed upon me this past weekend, by my ex husband's grandmother whom I have adopted as one of my own. She bestowed upon me, her last unopened snuggie. I was shocked, but grateful.

However, my son, Dervish, who is my first born. The one I turn to for help vacuuming, and taking out trash, he STOLE my snuggie. This gift bestowed on me, is now in the clutches of the 10 year old who thinks that Hostess cakes are a food group.

So, today, dear readers, weep! Weep for my brush with greatness cut too short, in that I have owned a snuggie, and lost it to someone younger and cuter than I. I guess I will have to settle for my slanket, and the Sham-azing!

*sigh*

Commencement Time

In my efforts to navigate through this crazy thing we call life, I have graduated a couple of times. I hardly remember graduating from Kindergarten.... I have vague flashes of my beloved Kindergarten teacher (and now dear friend) Ms. Duvall handing me my tiny plastic diploma, and allowing me to hug her thighs, awkwardly. I remember my graduation from 8th grade, which was in a time before such events were celebrated as they are today. I remember my graduation from high school... I was still trying to find one of my teachers to make sure I passed a final exam before the ceremony. (Sorry Mom.. I don't know if you knew that part)

Today, I graduate from my viewpoint on life. In the past week, I have had several epiphanies about how I lived, and my own viewpoint on how life should be. I have spent most of my energy in this blog complaining about how bad things happen to me, when the point has always been that I allowed it to happen. The wave of emotion that hit me when I realized that my misfortune wasn't because I was cursed, (but was due to the fact that I welcomed misfortune like a guest with good soap, and fluffy towels) created a Tsunami in my chest.

My focus in this life has been finding my other half. Finding a man with whom I could love, and make a life with, and when that pursuit became too hard, I took the path of least resistance. The fallout was devastating. I should have known then that I should stop trying. Instead, I allowed mistake #2 to bind his soul with mine in the House of God. The fallout of that is still hitting me like I have a target painted on my backside. I should have known then.... Here I sit, in the midst of fallout of mistake #3, and I wonder.... What does someone such as myself deserve? The iron maiden? The rack? A public beheading? The pain I have had to endure? -- I have reaped what I have sown for myself and my children.

So, it is now time to cast off the shackles that adorn my heart. If the pain is my own, then I must take command of it. I can live passionately, and with some joy even in the absence of my fondest dream. I have my children, and one day I will have grandchildren. I have my mother, who is dearer to me than my own life. I have good friends, and that circle grows daily. I have books to read, and movies to watch, and snarky remarks to utter.

So, dearest readers, I move the tassel to the other side of my life, and begin anew. Since it is a graduation of sorts... I think I will go get myself a gift. If you need me, I will be at Ross!