Power to the People

Dear Readers,

I begin this blog with discomfort in my soul with some events that have been transpiring in theory, but not in actual "life." It begs the question: what is reality? Without going into the philosophy 101 analysis of what actually constitutes reality, I have to say that things in my life have become either extremely tangible, and REAL, or completely theoretical, and thus UNREAL.

I have a new car, it is financed. This provides me with both joy and fear in the very real sensation that if I don't make the payment, I will no longer have my beautiful, wonderful almost-could-be-new car. The idea of financial security is one that has been on my mind for a while now, but the financing terms are so generous, they are unbelievable, and thus I have every confidence that I will be able to meet my obligations to them. However, I don't want this to make me complacent. I will work, strive, and push myself to work in order to meet these obligations.

The more unreal portions of my life are quite annoying actually. It is based in a possibility-state, and thus could or could not be. This makes planning very difficult. I am trying to better my circumstances, my thoughts, my outlook, and keep myself out of depression, however it is extremely difficult to do so when the potential successes and failures are often held over my head, and I am tormented with them. The fear of saying the wrong words and having a mere phrase uttered impend my doom. Or having to choose one, and having that mean success or failure. The theoretical life, or potential for influence is incomprehensible because there are so many possibilities. Someone could say that they have wealth, and riches, and they will share it all with you, and then that promise dies with every day that passes. Then the days turn into months, and they still promise, but the promises get smaller, and less significant. Eventually theoretical life is replaced with reality.

The fact is, right now, I have a good dynamic in my life. I am not the disaster I once was, and I have a semblance of peace. Is it "ok" with the cosmic fates for me to just have some peace? Is that permissible by the universe? Do I need to remain in constant pain and suffering in order for things to be "right?"

I have often wondered what I would do with a million dollars. Simple, I would ensure that my children, my mother, my brother and his family all had their basic needs met, and then I would sleep, and maybe, finally actually rest. However, I know that all will be well without a million dollars. I can make a success of my life with or without the gift of money. It is in that realization, that I truly find myself free.....

I am free... you have no power over my mind or my heart. I am free from the pain, free from the sticky web that was cast over my brain, and the thistle-clad nettles that grew and ensconced themselves into my soul. You may say I will be sorry, or I will rue the day I walked away from your lies and empty promises, and believe it as much as you wish, but I am free. Freedom in poverty far outweighs bondage in wealth any day.