Friends in Low Places

Can one really look at life and determine it's value strictly by the number of friends? I guess that is one way to look at it, but then what defines a friend? Is it someone to whom you have shown love, charity? Or just someone to frequently speak to, or spend time with?

I have a person, whom until today I called him "friend". He is a raging alcoholic, and he has called me after having consumed more alcohol than some restaurants serve in a whole evening, and said the most vile things I could imagine, however, he was drunk.... and didn't remember it the next day. Is this supposed to be an excuse? Apparently, because any time I brought it up, "oh, i was drunk. Sorry"

Recently, he sent me a message on the computer, telling me that he felt like he was dying, or he wanted to die. He had consumed quarts of cheap wine, followed by half a bottle of vicodin, and aspirin. I began to panic. He asked me to promise that when he died, he would be able to leave his life insurance to my children, so he could make a difference in their lives.
He lived... and barely remembered this emotional ordeal.

He has called me everything from stupid, to a horrible mother while in this state. He makes comments that are sexual in nature, and a couple of times he has even touched me when I did not request it. Yet, he always claims that he truly loves me.

Today, I had my limit. It is true that I am having marriage problems, but they are my problems. I am completely guilty of reaching out to friends in order to work through my problems. However, today, he (in his drunken state) claimed that he was "better than" my estranged husband. I replied, "I disagree" It was met back with, "I am, and you know it"

The conversation continued, much farther than it should (I openly admit) and questions of "how many friends does hubby have?" The answer, not many, but the ones he does have are friends for life. His reply "See.... I have more than 20 friends that will email you and tell you that they are willing to stand up for me. See, I am better."

Now, the problems that I have with hubby are bad. I am not pretending they aren't. But, I don't see how problems make someone less than equal to everyone else. It is true that there are those who don't have the same problems as me.... they have different problems. It is this apparent lack of humility that sent me over the edge.

Of course, it always ends with me being a jerk, and not "loving" him or being a "true friend." I have been the best and the truest, but I am not blind, deaf or dumb. Someone with a bum's nest in their 9x9 room in their Aunt's house that looks like a refugee zone with no job, and with problems with alcohol and gambling are NOT better than anyone else out there. I don't believe that this life is about deciding who is "better." It is about helping others. Anything else is just prideful conciet. And trust me dear readers, this person has an enormous ego, but I have never understood why.